What If Self-sabotage Is Just A Misunderstanding?

Self-sabotage is a myth rooted in language.

Your habits aren’t sabotaging you; they’re self-preserving. The mind chases pleasure and avoids pain. What you call “sabotaging” habits are just your brain pursuing a reward.

This reward hides in plain sight, masked by self-importance, assumptions, language, and enabling relationships. Stop trying to diagnose a problem—you don’t have one. You have an outcome. A result.

As a nationally ranked tennis player in my teens, I faced this. I’ve had the world’s top players on the ropes but still lost. Why? Many were my friends, and I feared losing those connections. So, I lost matches. The reward? I kept my friends.

Identify the reward driving your outcomes. It’s a dopamine landmine you keep falling on.